[Sundae]

Anon, I was able to reach an agreement with my GP where I could just turn up at the practice. If there were no appointments available I would just sit and stare at the walls for a while. They accepted this because I could not bear to use the phone at that point.

And when I was back in Aylesbury I used an advocate to help me through issues like this. I was in daycare and we had a visit from a law firm that did pro bono work. I was able to talk to the chap face to face and make an appointment. He helped me through the complicated procedure of claiming benefits. I don't need it this time, which shows how far I've come, mentally at least.

Look online, see if you can find anyone in your area who deals with mental health. Preferably a charity. And if you can't call them to make an appointment, try turning up and just apologising. Write it on a piece of paper if you don't think you can even handle that.
"My name is Momma, I need help but I find I can't actually speak about it."

There is help out there, and people willing to give it.
And I'm not saying any of the above is easy. You will have to take a leap of faith at some point. And you might find you've leapt too far, either because you can't deal with the situation, or because the help offered is for people with less ability to cope than you.

I found that in Greenwich; I went to an Art Therapy class to find I couldn't have a coherent conversation with anyone else attending. It obviously wasn't the right place for me.

But good luck.
You have absolutely everything to gain.
And come back and talk if the world is turning into shades of shit, because there are plenty of people here willing to help. You know that. To use the Anon login you're a long-time or frequent Dwellar, so you know how we roll.