[footfootfoot]

Once again, Her Fobbulousness hits it on the head. The point of the counselors is to minimize damage control and make the split as amicable as possible.

I am seeing my guy because he is helping me see when I am being manipulated or subjected to crazy logic and also to learn how to take care of myself rather than adapting to someone else's needs. Believe it or not this has been something I've been completely oblivious to for most of my life. (Mom was a hard core narcissistic borderline personality who made sure we understood we existed to make her happy and look good)

So my counselor has already been very helpful to me already by teaching me when I am being baited and how not to get sucked in. I suspect my emotional IQ is hovering around 60. Probably less. There's just a lot of stuff I don't see mainly because I can't be arsed to play games, I just assume everyone is bargaining in good faith. I can be a real tool.

The point of us seeing a counselor together is mostly so I can get a witness, I really doubt that hearing what I've been saying from a third party will make any difference but at least I will have that shit on record if it comes to that. The other part of that is it is truly impossible to have a rational conversation with her, so that would preclude any type of "Let's hash this out ourselves like a couple of grownups" conversations.

Her seeing a counselor independently is mainly for her to get her side down and perhaps reveal to her person how nutty she is or when our counselors talk to one another and compare notes they will be aware of the disconnect.

This scenario was proposed to me by a friend who is a therapist. It's no skin off my teeth as insurance is paying for it. And I don't see how it could backfire on me as I know for a fact I am not crazy, depressive, yes. Crazy, no.

At my first session with my counselor he said "It sounds to me like you don't need a marriage counselor, you need a divorce counselor. So that's basically what he is to me, and has been amazingly helpful to me in seeing things about myself and my adaptive behaviors that I've never really seen before.

I will read Gone Girl, Thanks for the tip, Pete.

I have been patiently lining up my pieces and doing my homework, Thankfully, two years ago my state enacted no fault divorce which makes things go much quicker assuming both parties are amicable, otherwise it can drag on for years and thousands of dollars.

I have been focusing the rest of my energy on full time career change trading what I've done historically for a new pasture. I've also been spending a lot more time with the kids who know something is up but have not been told. They frequently bring up divorce as a subject, the younger one, the mm, is very clingy and has taken a few steps backwards in the potty department, cries a lot when her mom goes out and so forth.

Thanks for all your feedback.