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Elspode · 06-28-2003, 12:44 AM

When we are faced with easing the pains of our children, I don't really know that there are any boundaries...at least, not within the hearts and minds of people who aren't hopelessly fucked up.

While my own son is nowhere near as incapacitated as the child you describe, he is also far from a normal young man. He will never drive, he will always have a seizure disorder, and his comprehensional and learning abilities are virtually fixed somewhere at a fourth grade level. He is 22 years old, but still relies on me and his stepmother for pretty much all of his transportation needs to work, the bank, the store, etc. He has few friends because he can't engage in many of the activities they enjoy...he can't drink because of the meds he takes, he is on a very limited income (SS disability and a meager part time menial job), and he simply doesn't have the same grasp of nuance and context that even the most feeble normal young adults have.

He is living mostly independently, but certain needs in his life will always be met by someone else. My wife and I have spent quite a lot of time over the past few years getting him to this point. We probably rushed him along a bit more than we should have, because we wanted to be able to see how he faired while we were still around to help him. After we are gone, he will likely be totally on his own, and believe me, he needs a lot of practice before that happens.

I'm not really bemoaning my lot in life...I could just as easily have lost the boy altogether 12 years back when his problems turned him from the smartest kid in class to the most fearful kid in special ed. Furthermore, any burden I have to bear in his name pales in comparison to the challenges he faces each and every day in a world filled with people who don't want to or are unable to grasp his limitations and handicaps. I guess all I'm trying to say is that, yes, it does wear one down, but I will have to be worn almost down to nothing before I could not find the strength in myself to do whatever it takes to see my son as safe, strong and happy as he can be given his abilities and limitations.

Love for one's children really doesn't allow any less.

06-28-2003, 12:44 AM	#4
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	When we are faced with easing the pains of our children, I don't really know that there are any boundaries...at least, not within the hearts and minds of people who aren't hopelessly fucked up. While my own son is nowhere near as incapacitated as the child you describe, he is also far from a normal young man. He will never drive, he will always have a seizure disorder, and his comprehensional and learning abilities are virtually fixed somewhere at a fourth grade level. He is 22 years old, but still relies on me and his stepmother for pretty much all of his transportation needs to work, the bank, the store, etc. He has few friends because he can't engage in many of the activities they enjoy...he can't drink because of the meds he takes, he is on a very limited income (SS disability and a meager part time menial job), and he simply doesn't have the same grasp of nuance and context that even the most feeble normal young adults have. He is living mostly independently, but certain needs in his life will always be met by someone else. My wife and I have spent quite a lot of time over the past few years getting him to this point. We probably rushed him along a bit more than we should have, because we wanted to be able to see how he faired while we were still around to help him. After we are gone, he will likely be totally on his own, and believe me, he needs a lot of practice before that happens. I'm not really bemoaning my lot in life...I could just as easily have lost the boy altogether 12 years back when his problems turned him from the smartest kid in class to the most fearful kid in special ed. Furthermore, any burden I have to bear in his name pales in comparison to the challenges he faces each and every day in a world filled with people who don't want to or are unable to grasp his limitations and handicaps. I guess all I'm trying to say is that, yes, it does wear one down, but I will have to be worn almost down to nothing before I could not find the strength in myself to do whatever it takes to see my son as safe, strong and happy as he can be given his abilities and limitations. Love for one's children really doesn't allow any less. __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog Last edited by Elspode; 06-28-2003 at 12:47 AM.