[xoxoxoBruce]

I know exactly what you're saying. We all know shit happens but nobody warns us how often. Sometimes it feels like continuous,
Sisyphus is a candyass compared to us.

I found salvation in a website (I think it was death clock but there are others) that told me I will die on Oct 6th, 2021, so I just have to hold on awhile longer.

I hope you can find your way back to normal... well, at least acceptable to you... without going that far.
Maybe it's all in your accepting what is as OK.
Maybe not trying so hard to change it will let it change itself.
You know, just deal with one day at a time.

Disclaimer:
I wasn't even on TV, didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express, and full of shit.