Nice choice in topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pi
What do you think? Does it seem to have a logical thought? Does it make sense to you? ...
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I'm my culture, some of your context would be problematical at best and offensive at worst:
Abstain from drawing conclusions for the audience; or, otherwise telling them what they should think unless you know for sure that you're preaching to the choir. "Certainly everybody can agree ... It is undeniable ... Clearly it is ... " This kind of wording, even if true, will turn people off.
"The Luxembourg Army likes to see itself ..." Don't purport to speak for a government organization unless expressly authorized to do so.
Maintain consistent terminology. The phrase "it seems becoming increasingly individualistic" relates to your topic. The phrase "They are too often disoriented" is a different issue that detracts from your topic.
You're giving a speech, not teaching a class. The written version should reflect normal speech patterns contained in paragraphs, not talking points (i.e. bullets) like "-Lack of general rules ... -This lack of rules ..." Bullets should only be in your working notes, between paragraphs, as a memory aid, so you don't skip something.
"Jus ad bellum" refers to the reasons for (i.e. right to engage in) war. The term you used, "Ius in bello" (Jus in bello), refers to the laws affecting conduct during warfare. You've been invited by clergy and they speak Latin. Don't get out of your depth.
"This requires more educational maturity of the instructors" You're not going to make any friends by inferring Army instructors are immature in any way. That's a broad brush.
IN SUMMARY is where you review the parts of your rationale you want to highlight. Keep it short. If you repeat too much to fill time, people will feel you're treating them as stupid.
IN CONCLUSION is where you consolidate what you think should be done. Emphasize your sincerity here. Then:
"What are your questions pertaining to what I've discussed? [time permitting/filling]
"Thank you for listening."
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EXAMPLE (YMMV)
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Thank you for inviting me to share my experience as an officer of the Luxembourg Armed Forces. Being in the Luxembourg Army, I see myself as an extension of the civilian society we have sworn to protect and its democratic values.
Society has undergone some dramatic changes over the past few decades becoming more individual oriented with emphasis on individual freedom and comfort over community needs and expectations. I believe we must adapt to this ongoing "individualization" process to better provide our communities with internal and external security, social peace, and to maintain the moral contracts between our many societal groupings ... generations, locations, immigrations and more.
Among Armed Forces recruits, over time I've noticed a significant change in their disposition which I attribute to a general lack of guidance for our young people. Their individualistic attitudes and behaviors are too often overlooked by others. This lack of societal rules and frameworks; however, is followed by a thirst for recognition, feedback and reactions to their behavior.
From a pedagogical point of view, it is more difficult to form an homogeneous group out of individuals from a society. The risk of recruit training failure becomes more significant. This requires greater educational awareness by the instructors.
Personally, I've obtained a higher acceptance rate as well as a swifter and more thorough execution of my orders after explaining my reasons as well as the policies and political decisions leading to those orders.
Understanding the reason, moral and political justifications for what's required of them better binds the members of the group to a community oriented greater purpose than just the simple fact of belonging to a group can. It has become more important for me to explain to the soldiers why we are committed in armed conflicts.
Self-defense; or, the defense of State sovereignty has been the most justifiable "Jus ad bellum", the legal and moral reason for acceptance and support by the population.
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