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Dana, I have limited experiences with men, bet I empathize. Here’s two case studies:
Case Study #1: Gay friend hits on me, I turn him down. He never asks me again, because now I know he likes me-- and if I’m ever interested I will let him know. We’re still friends 20 years later.
Case Study #2: I’m spending a lot of time with a bisexual friend, and he does a lot of nice, supportive things for me. But, over time he puts increasing pressure on letting me know he’s interested in me and wants to hook up. I never reciprocate those feelings, but he keeps trying for the “magical number” of asks. We don’t hang out anymore.
For the guys: “How to get laid, guaranteed!”
Case study #1: One of the girls I’m seeing is a cute, twenty-something, pink-haired lesbian who hasn’t slept with another man for her entire adult life (verified by a mutual friend who has known her since middle school). Question: do you think I hooked up with her by a) constantly pestering her to have sex, or b) by letting her know I was interested and then waiting for her to decide if she felt the same way, and letting me know? Bonus question: if she’s been getting stuffed with huge, rock-hard, vibrating dildos for the last ten years, how soft and gentle do you think she wants it?
Summary:
1) One ask, one no (end).
2) Multiple asks, multiple noes.
3) One ask, one yes (repeat).
Conclusion:
Asking one time is all it takes to determine if someone is interested in you (or not). Asking more than once doesn’t change the response, because the respondent’s decision is external to the control of the requester.
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There's a level of facility that everyone needs to accomplish, and from there
it's a matter of deciding for yourself how important ultra-facility is to your
expression. ... I found, like Joseph Campbell said, if you just follow whatever
gives you a little joy or excitement or awe, then you're on the right track.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Terry Bozzio
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