[BigV]

Old data analysts don’t die – they just get broken down by age and sex

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Data is like people – interrogate it hard enough and it will tell you whatever you want to hear.

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A data analyst is on board a passenger jet. The captain’s voice announced over the radio “We have lost an engine, but there’s no need to worry, we can fly on three engines, it will just take us an hour longer to reach our destination.

A while later, the radio crackles again: “This is your captain speaking, we have lost another engine – but we’re in no danger. Our journey will take an extra two hours though.”

Not long after, the captain is on the radio again: “We’re down to one engine, we can make it safely, but we’re going to be landing three hours late.”

“I hope we don’t lose the last engine,” says the analyst, “We’ll be up here forever.”

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A company manager is flying across the desert in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He calls down to a man riding a camel below him and asks where he is.

The man replies “You’re 42 degrees and 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north, 122 degrees , 10 minutes west, 212 metres above sea level, heading due east by north east.”

“Thanks,” replies the balloonist. “By the way, are you a data analyst?”

“Yes,” replies the man, “how did you know?”

“Everything you told me was totally accurate, you gave me way more information than I needed and I still have no idea what I need to do.”

“I’m sorry,” replied the camel-riding analyst. “By the way, are you a company manager?”

“Yes,” said the balloonist, “how did you know?”

“Well,” replied the analyst, “You’ve got no idea where you are, no idea what direction you’re heading in, you got yourself into this fix by blowing a load of hot air, and now you expect me to get you out of it.”