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Old 06-25-2003, 05:39 AM   #3
dave
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Mostly what Tony says. There's no problem looking at porn. Define "moderation" and make sure that it means "at least once every day", because that's probably realistic.

He may be embarrassed to admit he's looking at it; she needs to say to him, lovingly, "Hey, just don't let the girls catch you, okay?" and - here's the important part - <b>not make a big deal of it</b>. If she makes a big deal, he'll know it's a big deal. If it comes up and is over in ten seconds, and she smiles, kisses him on the nose and walks to the kitchen to make dinner (or does <b>something</b> so that the subject isn't being brought back up), it's less likely he'll think it's a big deal to her. If he brings it back up to her, she needs to say "Honey, I don't mind you looking at it. It's okay. Just don't let the girls see." She needs to be friendly about it with him.

I actually first read this as "my friend is concerned that he's a pedophile and might fuck her daughters", and if that's the case... the daughters are probably old enough to deal with talking to their mom if something were to happen. She should have a talk with them and not say his name specifically, but say "if anyone ever touches you or" ... - you know the drill.

It doesn't sound like a bad situation to me (decidedly normal, actually), so tell her that the most important thing is to not make a big deal out of it, because that will only make it worse.
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