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orthodoc · 06-08-2012, 11:15 PM

Not doing such a great job of taking care of myself, tonight. Every time I spend a few hours in stb-x's company I find I need to DRINK, drink, drink ... way too much. It's surreal, it's painful, it needs anesthetic.

I found out today that I can't afford the attorney I really want. Still looking for representation. Showed a realtor around the place today and it's hard - I'm giving up everything with no guarantees, no promises that anything will turn out well, that fairness will prevail. The most likely scenario is that, no matter what, after all I've given up and lost, I'll lose big-time at the end of it all. It's like a huge nihilistic joke.

The hardest part is the gardens here - I planted every plant, every tree, every shrub. I know them all intimately. I spent SO MUCH of my time and energy nurturing them. It's hard to leave at this time of year, when everything is growing and beautiful.

He still thinks I'm going away to live as a nun and come back to succumb to his studly awesomeness. He taunts me with stories of the many hot nurses who proposition him at work, and 'wonders' if they're sending a message? I wish he'd just bring them all home and get it over with. But what, and who, he wants is me, and it creeps me out. I'm angry. He wants to hot tub, so I put on a bikini and climb in and enjoy the night sky ... and then he tells me that come September his ass will be tighter than mine. What a guy. My stb-x ... what a guy.

He knows all my vulnerabilities, he knows how to hurt me. And I have to spend tomorrow with him, transferring titles on cars and so on. Sunday I gain some freedom, off to WV for 36 hours. Two more weeks. Counting, counting.

06-08-2012, 11:15 PM	#7997
orthodoc Not Suspicious, Merely Canadian Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 3,774	Not doing such a great job of taking care of myself, tonight. Every time I spend a few hours in stb-x's company I find I need to DRINK, drink, drink ... way too much. It's surreal, it's painful, it needs anesthetic. I found out today that I can't afford the attorney I really want. Still looking for representation. Showed a realtor around the place today and it's hard - I'm giving up everything with no guarantees, no promises that anything will turn out well, that fairness will prevail. The most likely scenario is that, no matter what, after all I've given up and lost, I'll lose big-time at the end of it all. It's like a huge nihilistic joke. The hardest part is the gardens here - I planted every plant, every tree, every shrub. I know them all intimately. I spent SO MUCH of my time and energy nurturing them. It's hard to leave at this time of year, when everything is growing and beautiful. He still thinks I'm going away to live as a nun and come back to succumb to his studly awesomeness. He taunts me with stories of the many hot nurses who proposition him at work, and 'wonders' if they're sending a message? I wish he'd just bring them all home and get it over with. But what, and who, he wants is me, and it creeps me out. I'm angry. He wants to hot tub, so I put on a bikini and climb in and enjoy the night sky ... and then he tells me that come September his ass will be tighter than mine. What a guy. My stb-x ... what a guy. He knows all my vulnerabilities, he knows how to hurt me. And I have to spend tomorrow with him, transferring titles on cars and so on. Sunday I gain some freedom, off to WV for 36 hours. Two more weeks. Counting, counting. __________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. - Ghandi Last edited by orthodoc; 06-08-2012 at 11:41 PM.