[orthodoc]

of that dream, that golden ring I reached for. That laughable ideal. The big idea, the fulfillment of a professional and personal goal. Today it was made crystal clear that's not going to happen. The ship is going in another direction and I don't have a ticket. I've been played for a fool, so sorry, you've been outsourced, we're not picking up your option, we're going in another direction ... but in the meantime, kindly carry on picking up our shit. Until we find someone cheaper, then we won't need you at all.

Yeah, my employer just funded the assholes who fired me in 2011 so they could hire cheaper, incompetent labor - just completely funded them and used MY staff to train their employees - to directly compete with my practice. My employer has funded the setup of three fucking urgent care centers to compete with me for Occ Med, so they can be open 84 hours/week as opposed to my 48, and MY budget is paying for THEIR radiology techs and half their office expenses. I have begged and pleaded for more staff and funding to meet the need, and this is my answer.

Oh but wait - before I flip them the bird, I have to remember that I need the health insurance that comes with this job. No one will insure me with a recent history of cancer and expensive treatment, not unless I'm in a big employee group. And if the RepubASSHOLES get their way and repeal the ACA, no one will ever insure me again, God forbid I cost the insurance companies anything. Taking a big leap of faith in the next year or so is likely to land me in a pile of 'So sorry you aren't related to a rich RepubASSHOLE family; you'll just have to go die somewhere, preferably quietly'.

And, I have no other immediate source of income. I am three months from qualifying for long-term disability (could be key if/when I get sick again). I am three months from qualifying for FMLA (ditto re getting sick again). If I leave a job after less than a year, it looks like shit on my CV, which looks like shit already due to taking time to raise my children and look out for their needs through autism, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder, and GAD/ADHD. You'd think that shepherding children through those minefields would be considered respectable on a CV, but it isn't.

So. Dream's defunct. What next? I'll be right with you ... vision's a little blurry. Fuck it.