SonofV will be 20, chronologically, in April.
But he's wise and sensitive well beyond his years. He's not much of a scholar, but his compassion, his emotional intelligence is truly exceptional. As a little kid, middle school, he would answer the door at Halloween but only after he took off his mask "so I don't scare the little kids". That kind of stuff.
And BD, oh. She's the leader, always has been. When they were little, we'd call for the kids, like all parents do, "come inside for din-nnnner!" or what have you. But since she was the only one who could hear it was **ALWAYS** "BD, you guys come in now." or "BD, tell ElderSon to come see me." etc, etc. She was trained from the get-go to be his ears as well as her own. That early and continuous training has led to a very responsible adult. Not a neurotic, she has a healthy sense of her boundaries, but she is able and willing to take charge.
ElderSon, heh. Poor kid. Not poor because he's deaf, though that's an extra degree of difficulty for practically everything, but being the eldest, he broke trail for his younger siblings as we rookie parents made the mistakes on him first. And we made plenty. He's learned to be resilient, and that's a great blessing to us. We never let his deafness be an excuse (sometimes a reason, but never an excuse) and he has found his way in the world. Just like we'd hoped for and worked for.
I love my kids. Being their father is,
by far, my greatest joy in life. It has been my calling, and the rest has been connected to, or in support of that role. I've been a spouse, and been fired from that role, but I'll be Dad forever. That suits me just fine.
...
Watching them deal with what's going on with Tink has been hard. I've had to stand by, a lot, and watch and let them deal with it, without plunging in and doing stuff myself. This has been hard for me. It's been the only way to do things because Tink's not my wife anymore, and that's how she wanted it, how she got it, and I agreed (eventually) with it. That's settled. And I've walked a line at a respectful distance. When she was well this was no biggie. She was getting on fine, and I was too; I still am. I'm happy with my life. But I'm not hostile toward her. I am not in love with her but she is, and always will be important to me. I spent the greatest portion of my adult life married to her. I raised three kids with her. She is the mother of my children, and you all know my feelings toward my children.
So Tink's illness has had an impact on me, too. I feel bad that she's sick. I feel dread at the prospect of her death, having seen how her mother, brother, twin sister and others in her family all deteriorated and died. Though my ex-in-laws don't have any contact with me, I feel sad for them too. My ex-FIL has buried many of his family members, struck down by ALS. I feel terrible for my children who are watching their mother die. Their mother. This makes me saddest of all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by footfootfoot
HOly Shit, V. I know exactly what that shit is all about. We took care of my late FIL in his final months of ALS.
Fucking cancer is a rainy day compared to ALS.
That's a big bucket of damn. I'm sorry.
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I intend no disrespect to my friends who've battled cancer. My dad died of cancer in 2001. Fuck cancer sideways.
However.
ALS is cruel. ALS is mean and sadistic. They're there, right there, dying. Drowning under an inch of water and you can't touch them. It feels like they're being tortured to death. My kids; their mother. And my best contribution is to stand by and listen well. I hate ALS, I hate it so hard.
The combination of drinking and posting and this thread... it's not a good combo. I'm going to have to break up this particular group. I think I'll start with pizza. I'll be back later. I love you guys.