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The love you had for Tink did not just stop when the marriage died. Love is immutable. The fact that the marriage did fail and that she severed contact with you left you in an outside looking in position where closure is nearly impossible for you.
Part of these services... Maybe most of them is for the people close to the departed to close that chapter. I imagine that you have a lot of unsaid things backed up in your brain.... I reckon that's why you wanted to eulogize her.... But she didn't want that, and you have enough sense not to push it.
Would it help you to do a private you tube eulogy for her and share it with us? Would that help to give you some modicum of closure?
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This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion ~MJKeenan
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