[BigV]

We need to talk about your your headlights.

Those bright, super bright, area effect highway weapons--completely unnecessary. You know the ones with the their eleventy-thousand kelvin color temperature, blazing, no, "bathing" everything in their soft x-ray glow, until you hit the gamma-ray high beams. You think they let you see better, but that's only because they've vaporized everything in the beam pattern up to half a mile. They render everything in the mid distance transparent so you can see the trees on the peaks of the mountains in the distance glare garishly neon orange and ultraviolent. You literally can't see over the horizon. Why do you have lights that can be seen from space?

If I'm casting a shadow, a shadow of my own car, in my own headlights, we have a problem. I have a problem. You're the problem. You're a hazard to navigation. You think they make you safer, but are you really safer driving on the road when all the other drivers are blind?

I'm not talking about your bar lamps, your side lights, your Michigan markers, your fog lights, your driving lights, your fuck me? no, fuck you lights, not to mention the Project SETI uplink carrier beam monsters on the roof rack, I don't care if Luxor Hotel was having a sale--it's just too much.

If they were just sanitizing the pavement, even as high as the beltline of my car, it would be ok. But they shine up into my eyes, into my mirrors--Problem. Maybe you're towing your trailer and it tips the back down and the front up. Maybe you just like driving around with your brights on. Maybe you're driving one of those giant trucks to compensate for... well, we all know you have a two-inch penis. Why shine a light on it?

Everything is so bright around you. Is it the lights or that you're just so dim. Kill the lights before you kill someone else.