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anonymous · 10-03-2014, 11:25 AM

He readily admits that it would be an adjustment, but as far as he's concerned all four of them are "our" kids, and their needs have to balanced equally against each other, no preferences. In his mind she really needs us right now. Frankly he's never gotten over the bitterness of losing the original custody battle, and he's excited now to have a chance to make up lost time.

We have them for six weeks every summer, and he thinks that's a reasonably fair analogue of how it would go. He acknowledges that I am far more stressed during the summers when they are here, but believes this is mostly self-imposed, not necessarily a legitimate reaction to any added work they cause me. And I freely admit that's true; at a core level I'm stressed because I don't enjoy their company, which makes me more readily resentful of the small amount of work they do require. It's like the neighbor's kids--they're not horrible, but they don't do things the way your family does them, and it's grating.

He also thinks she would get a whole lot better if she were living with us, so he thinks that how she behaves now is a moot comparison. This is a gamble, in my mind. I do think she'd be a lot more emotionally stable, but I also think she'd still make nonstop stupid comments at the TV all the time. But everybody's teenage children are super annoying, right? And certainly my two children bug me sometimes. I don't know how to figure out what's normal, or what I should just suck it up and get over. I do know it's normal for stepmoms to not like their stepkids as much as their real kids, but I also know that it's my job to never, ever let the kids see that, and I knew that when I signed up for this gig.

We both agree that going to court is a horrible option that we want to avoid if at all possible. And I think there is a slim, slim possibility that her mother will do the mature thing and admit that she is tired of the constant screaming matches, and let her come here for a semester on a "trial" basis. It all hinges on the stepson, really. If he says he wants to stay with the mom, that may be enough of a consolation prize, because he is her favorite after all. But if he says he wants to follow his sister and come here, the hellfire will rain down.

10-03-2014, 11:25 AM	#4
anonymous Operations Operative Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: in hiding Posts: 578	He readily admits that it would be an adjustment, but as far as he's concerned all four of them are "our" kids, and their needs have to balanced equally against each other, no preferences. In his mind she really needs us right now. Frankly he's never gotten over the bitterness of losing the original custody battle, and he's excited now to have a chance to make up lost time. We have them for six weeks every summer, and he thinks that's a reasonably fair analogue of how it would go. He acknowledges that I am far more stressed during the summers when they are here, but believes this is mostly self-imposed, not necessarily a legitimate reaction to any added work they cause me. And I freely admit that's true; at a core level I'm stressed because I don't enjoy their company, which makes me more readily resentful of the small amount of work they do require. It's like the neighbor's kids--they're not horrible, but they don't do things the way your family does them, and it's grating. He also thinks she would get a whole lot better if she were living with us, so he thinks that how she behaves now is a moot comparison. This is a gamble, in my mind. I do think she'd be a lot more emotionally stable, but I also think she'd still make nonstop stupid comments at the TV all the time. But everybody's teenage children are super annoying, right? And certainly my two children bug me sometimes. I don't know how to figure out what's normal, or what I should just suck it up and get over. I do know it's normal for stepmoms to not like their stepkids as much as their real kids, but I also know that it's my job to never, ever let the kids see that, and I knew that when I signed up for this gig. We both agree that going to court is a horrible option that we want to avoid if at all possible. And I think there is a slim, slim possibility that her mother will do the mature thing and admit that she is tired of the constant screaming matches, and let her come here for a semester on a "trial" basis. It all hinges on the stepson, really. If he says he wants to stay with the mom, that may be enough of a consolation prize, because he is her favorite after all. But if he says he wants to follow his sister and come here, the hellfire will rain down.