The Cellar - View Single Post - Merry F'in Christmas

lookout123 · 12-10-2005, 10:06 AM

she has been very successful in her chosen field for 16 years, in fact last year is the first time i ever made more $$$ than her. so this isn't a bored housewife thing.

boyfriend? she says no. but of course she would even if it was true. just kind of the way it works i guess. she says she just wants to be alone, but i know her past. she hasn't been alone (without an SO) ever. so with that knowledge i have to admit that there probably is someone that she is at least interested in, whether or not she has acted on it.

custody? that would be damn near impossible. she is a great mother, so i have nothing to counter the normal child-goes-to-the-mother rule. i could drag out skeletons from before the boy was born, but that would be pointless and only be negative for all of us. i sat in his room from about 3AM on this morning just weeping. i can't imagine a world where i don't hear him talking in his sleep from across the house. as i type i am listening to him hum the "Star Wars" theme and play with his toys.

the fact is that i love her. i am quite often "in love" with her. but not always. i think "in love" is just the warm fuzzy feeling that comes and goes with stress and happiness in life. she thinks we shouldn't be married because she really honestly loves me, but she isn't "in love" anymore. the truth is that we hit a rough stretch around every christmas because she always gets a bit depressed and starts drinking a little bit more... we've always made it through it before. but she always had an open mind about working things out before. now she has already figured out how we will handle little lookout's weekly schedule and things like that. she doesn't have an open mind towards working things out at all.

last night she was telling me that it is obvious there is no passion left because we don't do anything fun anymore. when we are together we just stare at each other... WTF??? we/she has laughed more this year than ever before. we went to europe/mexico/2 cruises/SoCo, etc. we've been averaging 2 nights a week just the two of us sitting out in the backyard by the fireplace laughing and being goofy, making plans, talking about worries. a week ago she booked a week for the three of us and my parents in disneyland. if she really had decided this "some time" ago - why would she have gone and booked a vacation for all of us? it just doesn't add up.

we aren't the passionate couple we were 6/7 years ago, but who is passionate ALL the time after the first few years, a child, etc? she still gets flowers and other surprises frequently, cards all the time, etc. so, we don't have to fight the urge to maul eachother whenever we're in the same room like we did in the beginning. isn't that what happens when relationships mature?

i'm really struggling right now with all of this. to make matters worse, i don't really have much of a support network to tap into right now. we're not letting anyone know anything until after Christmas - no point in spoiling it for everyone right? OUR friends are really mostly her friends. i have my three best friends back in illinois, but this is so far out of their arenas that the advice will be nil, and i'm not near them so i can't just go and commiserate. my friends here have all drifted away as our economic situation improved and theirs didn't. those that stuck around have disappeared for other reasons. i am seriously sitting here alone with my grief right now. i talked to the pastor of our church and he is great to talk to, but not someone i'm going to go hang out with to get me through this.

i've never had a problem being alone before, but it has been a long time since i even contemplated the possibility of it. i don't even know how to function as a single individual past the college/bar scene days. i'm one of those weird guys that didn't even daydream about not being burdened with a family. it just never occurred to me to think about it. i've had everything i ever wanted.

i was just having a conversation with someone about a week ago about goals and dreams. he was trying to get me to set some new goals and i was having a hard time. he just looked at me like i was an idiot when i said, "i have everything i've ever dreamed of. a beautiful, loving wife, an amazing child, a great career, a beautiful home, and some measure of financial security." what more is there except for more of the same?

12-10-2005, 10:06 AM	#7
lookout123 changed his status to single Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Right behind you. No, the other side. Posts: 10,308	she has been very successful in her chosen field for 16 years, in fact last year is the first time i ever made more $$$ than her. so this isn't a bored housewife thing. boyfriend? she says no. but of course she would even if it was true. just kind of the way it works i guess. she says she just wants to be alone, but i know her past. she hasn't been alone (without an SO) ever. so with that knowledge i have to admit that there probably is someone that she is at least interested in, whether or not she has acted on it. custody? that would be damn near impossible. she is a great mother, so i have nothing to counter the normal child-goes-to-the-mother rule. i could drag out skeletons from before the boy was born, but that would be pointless and only be negative for all of us. i sat in his room from about 3AM on this morning just weeping. i can't imagine a world where i don't hear him talking in his sleep from across the house. as i type i am listening to him hum the "Star Wars" theme and play with his toys. the fact is that i love her. i am quite often "in love" with her. but not always. i think "in love" is just the warm fuzzy feeling that comes and goes with stress and happiness in life. she thinks we shouldn't be married because she really honestly loves me, but she isn't "in love" anymore. the truth is that we hit a rough stretch around every christmas because she always gets a bit depressed and starts drinking a little bit more... we've always made it through it before. but she always had an open mind about working things out before. now she has already figured out how we will handle little lookout's weekly schedule and things like that. she doesn't have an open mind towards working things out at all. last night she was telling me that it is obvious there is no passion left because we don't do anything fun anymore. when we are together we just stare at each other... WTF??? we/she has laughed more this year than ever before. we went to europe/mexico/2 cruises/SoCo, etc. we've been averaging 2 nights a week just the two of us sitting out in the backyard by the fireplace laughing and being goofy, making plans, talking about worries. a week ago she booked a week for the three of us and my parents in disneyland. if she really had decided this "some time" ago - why would she have gone and booked a vacation for all of us? it just doesn't add up. we aren't the passionate couple we were 6/7 years ago, but who is passionate ALL the time after the first few years, a child, etc? she still gets flowers and other surprises frequently, cards all the time, etc. so, we don't have to fight the urge to maul eachother whenever we're in the same room like we did in the beginning. isn't that what happens when relationships mature? i'm really struggling right now with all of this. to make matters worse, i don't really have much of a support network to tap into right now. we're not letting anyone know anything until after Christmas - no point in spoiling it for everyone right? OUR friends are really mostly her friends. i have my three best friends back in illinois, but this is so far out of their arenas that the advice will be nil, and i'm not near them so i can't just go and commiserate. my friends here have all drifted away as our economic situation improved and theirs didn't. those that stuck around have disappeared for other reasons. i am seriously sitting here alone with my grief right now. i talked to the pastor of our church and he is great to talk to, but not someone i'm going to go hang out with to get me through this. i've never had a problem being alone before, but it has been a long time since i even contemplated the possibility of it. i don't even know how to function as a single individual past the college/bar scene days. i'm one of those weird guys that didn't even daydream about not being burdened with a family. it just never occurred to me to think about it. i've had everything i ever wanted. i was just having a conversation with someone about a week ago about goals and dreams. he was trying to get me to set some new goals and i was having a hard time. he just looked at me like i was an idiot when i said, "i have everything i've ever dreamed of. a beautiful, loving wife, an amazing child, a great career, a beautiful home, and some measure of financial security." what more is there except for more of the same?