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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone you love is extremely difficult. Mourn but please don't blame yourself. You may not be able to accept it now and no reason can alleviate the pain. However, we all have to use reasons and religion or whatever help us get through life, where there are so many unexplainable things going on. Don't think the lost of Autumn as your fault. Maybe it is his time to go. Even if you had a lease on him, he may go some other way. I hope you'll be able to feel less pain in the near future.
HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZ
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