[Sun_Sparkz]

The stinging in my eyes was like the feeling when you wake up in the morning after a big night out on the town, sore from the late night and smoky rooms. Disillusionment surrounded my thoughts as I tried to rise from my pillow, throbbing in my muscles brought the realization that I couldn't move.

silence.

darkness.

panic struck my every thought and I broke into a cold sweat. I tried to scream but the straining in my lungs became too much to bear, silence was the only noise I made. a cool hand enveloped mine and stroked my fingers into assurance. a light turned on and slowly I could make out the fuzzy images of 4 people surrounding me. their mouths were moving but I could not hear the words. their faces filled with sadness and questioning, giving me pleading looks for queries I could not respond to.

Days pass, and laying there I had a lot of time to think about things, though I could not remember the circumstances that surrounded my hospitalization. Sometimes late at night, I had dreams I was running for the train, I was going to miss it and be stuck at the intimidating central station for another hour, I couldn't afford that risk, so I dart through the park. then I see the blood, its mine.

Every night the sequences become clearer, as does my sight and my hearing. my big brother comes to visit me everyday. he is furious about the attack. I worry about him, he has such a temper. he wont stop asking me about the night it happened, I'm sick of talking about it to him, to dad, to the police. I just want to forget. but the dreams wont let me forget. and my voice refuses to ask them all to stop.

"how many were there?"

"was anything said to you?"

"what do you remember Samantha, you have to try and communicate with me!"

the trees in the park were swaying in the wind, it was a cold night and they looked like dancing demons looming above me, drawing me in and exorcising my fear. I remember the shadows, the figures were cast upon the ground from the street lamp behind me, closing in. I try to run faster, but they are over me like a hawk to a hen. my trepidation crippling my competency to fight back, I fall to the ground and the faces tile my pupils like reminiscent mosaic evidence.


He is sure it was him. The "love of my life" Rick. his anger builds every day as I try to speak.

"it was him I know it" As he tries to convince everyone else. " that bastard Rick used to belt her just for going out with friends, and now she has left him, and was on another date that night, there is no denying the facts that stare us right in the face!"

he looks to me, my thoughts will not bond with my vocal cords.

"Was it him Samantha? was it? just make some sort of sign and I will kill that son of a bitch I swear it, no one does this to my sister and gets away with it!"

every fibre of my being pulls together, it takes a years worth of energy to make my hand form the shape that I need it to. to me, it seems like a logical and accurate communication of the circumstance, I didn't even think it could be taken any other way.

" yes.. yes.. right! yes it was that prick, that's it!"

" now Simon, don't you do anything crazy" my aunty tries to calm him.

" you saw it as clear as I did! didn't you see her hand? she said yes! she gave me the sign, it said ok, SHE SAID OK! "

____________________________________

Being at home was hard. Just being back inside the house reminded me of Simon all too often, and I really didn't want to think of that. I had been to see him in the prison a few days after I was out of hospital. All my senses functioning I braved the sight of my protective sibling. The reunion was stiff, and my heart bled with bittersweet love and hatred for him.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't stand to see you like that" He looked so small, restrained behind the small school like table.

"I know"

" I thought you'd never get better, I thought you might die. I just couldn't sit back and do nothing"

" I know"

" I thought you told me it was him! I thought.... "

" I know, I know."

" I was just so sure it was him....I though you were telling me OK." he whispers " So what now?"

" they have arrested the attackers. It was the trio from the table next to where Rick and I were having dinner, on date you know, to work things out. . . "

I try not to lose it again, sometimes i think the tears will never stop. I look at Simon:

"Simon it wasn't Rick, it was the guys from the restaurant, that's why I held up three fingers"