[Griff]

I guess you route it through the way they get the things they want and need. The things they want are not necessarily different from what their peers want. Its the recognition that there are socially appropriate ways to get to those things that is key. Unless the conflict itself is more reinforcing than anything else out there, there is a way. Hope in the child's case is short-term, that's why we can get in trouble taking things away incrementally as a child escalates a behavior. You get to a point where the child has nothing to hope for therefor nothing to lose. Parents and teachers need to nurture their own hope, but must think long-term, while surviving near-term. You have to be careful with any advice given/taken though as every child is unique and their parents should know them best.