[ElBandito]

Over two years ago I started getting pains. Just mild ones, but that time of my life was particularly stressful. They’d suck the life out of me. I’d have to stop and take time out, waiting for that sensation to pass, for something to pass. Even if it was me.
The most heart-breaking moment was having to stop and watch my children walk away, unaware of what was going on… because I didn’t tell them.
I was 30 years old at the time. That sort of thing isn’t SUPPOSED to happen when you’re 30, for fuck’s sake!
But life changed, it got better, and all that went away. I didn’t think anything more of it. After all, it was just some anxiety, something that was a symptom of other things happening. Nothing meaningful.
Until about two months ago. It came back. It’s back and it’s here. And I’m terribly, terribly frightened of it. This time it isn’t pain; it’s pressure. Tightness in the chest. An ache in my left arm and tingling in my fingers.
I’m 32 years old now. This sort of thing isn’t SUPPOSED to be happening.


And I'm too scared to see a doctor in case I'm told what I don't want to hear. How dumb is that?