I think I should have a sponsored celibacy/ no-flicking-the-bean-athon.
You know, like for charity.
Like for charity, but in fact just for me.
Pay me for every day I don't think about you and touch myself.
I'm so sad I've lost my sex drive. Surely someone, somewhere should be compensating me? "Had an accident that wasn't your fault?" "Been mis-sold PPI?" "Haven't had sex for so long you're worried about being cobwebby?" You know what I mean.
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Life's hard you know, so strike a pose on a Cadillac
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