Thread: Mueller Report
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Old 05-07-2019, 01:21 AM   #83
slang
St Petersburg, Florida
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,423
The Incredible True Story of the Impeachment Collar Heist

An older aged lawyer and deep state operative named Robert Mueller walked into the US Department of Justice in DC.

He had a multi ream size report in his right hand and a strange bulge under the collar of his shirt. Mueller, 74 and greying, passed Attorney General William Barr a note;

"Here is my report. Part 1 is what I discovered in the first 2 months of my investigation, no evidence of collusion or obstruction. No indictments. Part 2 is what we are hoping to impeach Trump with. Speculation and embarrassingly biased investigatory work with biased personnel that could never be assembled without recusal if they were investigating a Democrat. Systematically omitting critical information that does not support the narrative that Trump’s guilty" it said. "We were hoping to keep working on it until November 2020 to keep a cloud over Trump’s presidency. But then you were confirmed." Then he lifted his shirt to reveal a heavy, boxlike device dangling from his neck.

According to the note, it was an impeachment collar. Barr, who told Mueller there was no way he was going to get his 18 pages into the media at that time, filled a few pages with truth—8,702— words and handed it over. Mueller walked out, sucking on a Dum Dum lollipop he grabbed from the counter, hopped into his car, and drove off. He didn't get far. Some 15 minutes later, Christopher Wray spotted Mueller standing outside his Geo Metro in a nearby parking lot, surrounded him, and tossed him to the pavement, cuffing his hands behind his back.

Mueller told the agents that while out on a Uranium One sample delivery he had been accosted by a group of CIA operatives who chained the impeachment collar around his neck at gunpoint and forced him to write his bogus report. "You either take Trump out with a report or the impeachment collar will take YOU out." they told him in a poorly performed Comey voice. "I'm not lying" The agents called Inspector General Horowitz and took positions behind their cars, guns drawn. CNN's Jim Acosta arrived and began filming. For 25 minutes Mueller remained positioned on the pavement.
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