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Iggy · 06-30-2017, 04:34 PM

Poly definitely has challenges. It isn't for everyone. Jealousy is a very real issue and must be dealt with. Being forced or coerced into poly is a recipe for failure. All parties must be on board or it isn't going to work. Even when all parties on board it doesn't always work.

The most I've had is my main SO and two paramours, 4 total including me. When it worked, it really worked. We had that relationship for longer than many monogamous relationships (off and on, mostly on, for 10 years). Sometimes life issues happened and we would be forced to stop our relationship, but we stayed friends the entire time. I still love them, always will. We are still very good friends even when we aren't currently romantically involved.

I've found the benefits usually outweigh the cons for me. Everyone feels more desired. People are generally on "better behavior" and are less inclined to settle into bad habits. Sometimes in monogamy people stop trying after awhile... Thinking, "hey, I've got him/her, I don't need to try." But seeing your lover/SO enjoying another person's affections helps you see them for what they are... A very desirable person. It also encourages a lot more communication... You can't let bad feelings fester. Someone will realize something is wrong and will bring it to the forefront. As a result, I felt more closeness to my SO/paramours. Seeing my SO and paramours happy makes me happy. It sounds cliche, but love is multiplied, not divided.

But as I said... It isn't for everyone. People must be able to agree on the rules and be honest. Some don't want to have external relationships and instead want to focus all their energy on one relationship. I get it, and don't blame them. I just know my happiest times were when we're were practicing poly.
YMMV

06-30-2017, 04:34 PM	#4
Iggy Back and ready to tart up the place Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 850	Poly definitely has challenges. It isn't for everyone. Jealousy is a very real issue and must be dealt with. Being forced or coerced into poly is a recipe for failure. All parties must be on board or it isn't going to work. Even when all parties on board it doesn't always work. The most I've had is my main SO and two paramours, 4 total including me. When it worked, it really worked. We had that relationship for longer than many monogamous relationships (off and on, mostly on, for 10 years). Sometimes life issues happened and we would be forced to stop our relationship, but we stayed friends the entire time. I still love them, always will. We are still very good friends even when we aren't currently romantically involved. I've found the benefits usually outweigh the cons for me. Everyone feels more desired. People are generally on "better behavior" and are less inclined to settle into bad habits. Sometimes in monogamy people stop trying after awhile... Thinking, "hey, I've got him/her, I don't need to try." But seeing your lover/SO enjoying another person's affections helps you see them for what they are... A very desirable person. It also encourages a lot more communication... You can't let bad feelings fester. Someone will realize something is wrong and will bring it to the forefront. As a result, I felt more closeness to my SO/paramours. Seeing my SO and paramours happy makes me happy. It sounds cliche, but love is multiplied, not divided. But as I said... It isn't for everyone. People must be able to agree on the rules and be honest. Some don't want to have external relationships and instead want to focus all their energy on one relationship. I get it, and don't blame them. I just know my happiest times were when we're were practicing poly. YMMV __________________ Chock-full of naughty goodness.