[ladysycamore]

Originally posted by Lady Sidhe
To everyone else:

I don't think the majority of people understand the constant terror abusers cause. Those who have been abused, in whatever way, DO know.

And those of us who have had to help the abused know as well. I told the story in another thread about how I had to beat the living fuck out of the man who was abusing my best friend. Long story short: she had dated him for 2 years. One night, she decides she was going to leave him, and asked me to help her move her things out of his apt. Ok fine. Ended up being a big old throwdown...him hiting her, and me hiting him to get him off of her. I beat him down then, and I'd sure as fuck beat him the hell down now if I ever saw his punk ass again.

IMO, they're as bad as murderers. They destroy something in you, and you never REALLY trust again, not like you used to. And that's for the people who, for whatever reason, are better able to deal with the memories. For those who are more traumatized, and can't deal very well, the abuser has destroyed their lives. And those are just the ones who get through the ordeal with their lives.

I saw that in the eyes of the second person I had to help get out of an abusive situation. She had been through so much with this particular man (and even before she met him), that there were times that you could tell that she had just given up on life, and here she was with a 6 year old daughter to raise. Oh yeah: he beat her while she was pregnant with that daughter too. Lovely. I say death to him just for that alone, I don't give a flying fuck WHO doesn't like it!

Even if kevin HAD been abused as a kid, I wouldn't feel sorry for him. He was a grown man, and he made his choice to do what he did, over and over, to more than one person. He'd been in jail for it before (I spoke at length with his ex-wife), and apparantly he wasn't able to learn from his experience.

Ah hm...repeat offender. Yeah, jail really rehabilitated him.

It seems to me that these criminals who are blaming abuse for the way they act, wouldn't want to treat someone the same way, because they know how awful it is. Like someone who was beaten as a child choosing to use other methods to discipline their own children, because they don't want to repeat the pattern. Many people are abused as kids. They don't all grow up to kill or abuse, because they make the CHOICE not to. It's all about power. Murder is about power. Rape is about power. Abuse is about power.

Choices we make as adults (and as children) should have consequences. When they don't, all that is shown is that one can get away with bad behavior. The DP is all about consequences for the ultimate in unacceptable behavior. If we're going to start somewhere, start with rewarding good choices, and punishing the bad ones. We learn as children what is and is not acceptable social behavior. When these little juvenile delinquents get slap on the wrist after slap on the wrist, they learn that bad choices don't have consequences that outweigh the pleasure of the bad behavior.

I, personally, think we should bring back public humiliation for lesser crimes and first offenses (this is in reference to non-violent crimes, property crimes, and the like, not for murderers, rapists, abusers or child molesters).

Bring back the stocks and the canes.

Don't put a thief in jail, put him in the stocks in the public square for a couple of days and sell rotten fruit to throw at him (that'll pay for his food and water); don't stick the little gangsta wannabe in jail for robbery--cane his ass in front of his friends (I say this because a few years back, when the caning issue came up because of the American delinquent who got caned...there was a town in the states--I can't remember the name of it offhand--in which they had a problem with defacing public property. The Elders of the town suggested caning instead of jail time. When reporters interviewed some of the gang members in jail, the gang members said that they'd rather have jail time than be caned.) It hurts like a bitch, but it does no lasting damage and doesn't cost the state a thing. I'm sure someone would do the caning for free. People are very sensitive to humiliation. I think public humiliation would do some good. All that's hurt is pride, and maybe someone's butt, and it would keep our jails and prisons free for the murderers, rapists, abusers and other violent criminals.


Sidhe

Couldn't snip a word of that. Glad to see that you made it out of that hell (and to everyone else that had to come through hell).