[Lady Sidhe]

"I was not allowed to wear makeup/wear nice clothes. That meant I wanted attention. That meant I wanted guys to look at me. That meant that I wanted to fuck other men. Logical, right?

And God help me if I LOOK at another man. Cuz then I wanna fuck him. And lets face it, no man would want ME. I mean, I'm fat, ugly and am DAMN lucky that I have HIM. I should be grateful to him for putting up with me.

I better go to work (at ALWAYS a crappy job) but not talk to male employees. Also, he will pick me up. This meant arriving 30 minutes before I got off work, glaring at all the males and leering at all the females, trying to talk them into sleeping with them. I got fired from Carl's Jr. once because a female manager felt threatened by him, and since he refused to stop coming to pick me up (forcing me to walk because there's no way I was going to drive MY car anywhere and leave him no transportation, even tho he didn't work), I got fired.

These were the highlights."


Damn, Onyx...that sounds like what I went through.


To everyone else:

I don't think the majority of people understand the constant terror abusers cause. Those who have been abused, in whatever way, DO know. They're excellent brainwashers, and have the ability to keep you in fear constantly. You're on eggshells the whole time because you never know what will set them off. Something that is ignored one day will set off an explosion the next, all to keep you off-balance. They isolate you from anyone who can help you. When they threaten to kill you, you believe them.

IMO, they're as bad as murderers. They destroy something in you, and you never REALLY trust again, not like you used to. And that's for the people who, for whatever reason, are better able to deal with the memories. For those who are more traumatized, and can't deal very well, the abuser has destroyed their lives. And those are just the ones who get through the ordeal with their lives.

And one thing that makes abusers worse than most murderers (except, of course, the thrill-seeking murderers, like sexual sadists) is that they ENJOY the suffering they cause. They enjoy the feeling of power it gives them. They are the true sadists. And they will keep on doing it, over and over, because they love the way it makes them feel.

Even if kevin HAD been abused as a kid, I wouldn't feel sorry for him. He was a grown man, and he made his choice to do what he did, over and over, to more than one person. He'd been in jail for it before (I spoke at length with his ex-wife), and apparantly he wasn't able to learn from his experience.

You know, I grew up in an alcoholic family. I witnessed and ref'd fights from the age of eight to the age of sixteen. I put the adults in the house to bed at night because they were too drunk to make it themselves. But am I a drunk? Nope. I lived it, I learned it, but I made the choice to not inflict such behavior on the family I would one day have.

It seems to me that these criminals who are blaming abuse for the way they act, wouldn't want to treat someone the same way, because they know how awful it is. Like someone who was beaten as a child choosing to use other methods to discipline their own children, because they don't want to repeat the pattern. Many people are abused as kids. They don't all grow up to kill or abuse, because they make the CHOICE not to. It's all about power. Murder is about power. Rape is about power. Abuse is about power.

Choices we make as adults (and as children) should have consequences. When they don't, all that is shown is that one can get away with bad behavior. The DP is all about consequences for the ultimate in unacceptable behavior. If we're going to start somewhere, start with rewarding good choices, and punishing the bad ones. We learn as children what is and is not acceptable social behavior. When these little juvenile delinquents get slap on the wrist after slap on the wrist, they learn that bad choices don't have consequences that outweigh the pleasure of the bad behavior.

I, personally, think we should bring back public humiliation for lesser crimes and first offenses (this is in reference to non-violent crimes, property crimes, and the like, not for murderers, rapists, abusers or child molesters).

Bring back the stocks and the canes.

Don't put a thief in jail, put him in the stocks in the public square for a couple of days and sell rotten fruit to throw at him (that'll pay for his food and water); don't stick the little gangsta wannabe in jail for robbery--cane his ass in front of his friends (I say this because a few years back, when the caning issue came up because of the American delinquent who got caned...there was a town in the states--I can't remember the name of it offhand--in which they had a problem with defacing public property. The Elders of the town suggested caning instead of jail time. When reporters interviewed some of the gang members in jail, the gang members said that they'd rather have jail time than be caned.) It hurts like a bitch, but it does no lasting damage and doesn't cost the state a thing. I'm sure someone would do the caning for free. People are very sensitive to humiliation. I think public humiliation would do some good. All that's hurt is pride, and maybe someone's butt, and it would keep our jails and prisons free for the murderers, rapists, abusers and other violent criminals.


Sidhe