[DanaC]

One of the reasons for not deleting user's posts is because it orphans all the other posts around it. 3 years down the line that thread, which may well still be going, has chunks missing and the posts responding to the missing chunks make little to no sense.

We have threads here that have been ongoing for 10 years.

The gender conversation was fine until the point the focus shifted from what you were saying, to what you said you'd done. You and I had clashed a little in the thread already (nothing I consider too heavy). I wasn't taking any of that personally - it didn't change my opinion of you. I am used to being able to have a robust and even at times aggressive and contentious discussion with someone whose views are the polar opposite of mine and remaing just as friendly with that person outide of that position.

It's funny that you mention Sexobon - because he and I have had somehumdinger rows on here - but I still like him and we still bounce off each other's humour. You are misreading the Cellar if you think Sexobon is generally ignored.

I was very surprised when you decided to leave over this. I was also a little sad about it. Because as is often the case, I wasn't feeling any personal animosity towards you when we were arguing. I was stating my case - and you were stating yours. If things get heavy I am far more inclined to end or leave the conversation than cut ties with the board or even the poster I have been arguing with. There's no reason why a fundamental disagreement in one thing should translate to enmity or disdain across the board. Some of my favourite dwellars are people I have had almighty rows with at times and whose views are the polar opposite of mine in some areas.

The gender thread was, I thought, becoming a very interesting discussion until it twisted into something else. But that can happen sometimes. Sometimes, it becomes about the posters, rather than the original topic. Then again, sometimes it very quickly goes back to being about the topic again.

What you seem to be saying is that the discussions never go very deep - and that we only talk about each other. But this place is full of ongoing discussions about all sorts of issues, from abortion to gun control, from gender inequality to the transgender experience, from particular musical styles to the future of the republican party, from the realities of bringing up children with autism to the situation in the middle east.

The problem was that the conversation did not go where you wished to steer it - that happens. You posted something and people's reactions to it were not what you expected - suddenly the thread stopped being about a discussion of gender in the round and started being a discussion of your approach to gender and the people around you.

I can understand how that might have been both surprising and off-putting. But that is life. If you put yourself out into the world and open up your own thinking on it you expose yourself to other people's responses to that.