The Jon Ronson book?
I love him. He's awesome.
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All too often these are what you hear after someone gets called out on making a racial slur.
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This, unfortunately, is very true. 'It's just banter - grow a sense of humour' is the ultimate get out card for everything. Deeply misogynistic, homophobic, or racist slurs are expected to get a free pass as long as it's humour. That's fine - as long as nobody is getting bullied. Unfortunately bullying is pretty rife in many schools, colleges and workplaces and the way those bullies often work is through 'jokes' and 'banter'. When the focus of that negative attention objects they can simply be dismissed as humourless.
There are times and places for jokes and there are particular audiences and levels of permission that make a difference as to when a joke is harmless and when not. I'd be a lot more relaxed about rape and/or domestic violence jokes, for example, if rape and domestic violence were not massive issues in our society. It also matters who or what the joke is aimed at. What's the power differential?
When I was a kid, jokes about 'pakis' and 'coons' were common currency, on tv and in the playground. That was not harmless. It was the product of a culture of racism and the asian and black kids had to listen to that shit day in and day out and then get called out for not having a sense of humour about it, if they didn't laugh along to jokes about how unwanted and disposable their skin colour made them.
It is a shame that some people aren't able to make the jokes they want to make for fear of upsetting people. But it was also a shame that many people felt quite comfortable making those jokes.
Has it swung too far in some ways? Yeah, maybe it has. But I sure as hell wouldn't want to return to the days when jokes like that were acceptable in the mainstream. And I really wish the 'banter' culture in colleges and universities would die a quiet fucking death - because it is in the way and is not harmless.