[homerjackson]

That's a good question.

Let me start with was, what was my dream. Every since I was 10 years old, I wanted to work in the movies. I loved, and still love movies. I wanted to write/direct/produce/act. I started to write while I was in high school and I performed in every play. That is how I meet my wife, we were in a play together. I even when to college on a drama scholarship.

Now, here's the funny part of all this. I met Wilford Brimley while I was going to film school (to make a long story short, my brother-n-law introduced me) and Wilford told me that to get in to filmmaking I should forget school and just get in. Work 18 hr days for little to no money. I thought long and hard about it and decide that, with a wife and someday children, I couldn't do it. Family was more important. So I gave it up. Do I regret it? No. I think I did the right thing at the time.

So what is my dream now? I don't know. I still have the dream of having a family (the white picket fence and the whole works) but part of me says "screw that, it will never happen" and I should find a new dream because this dating crap sucks. I've only ever dated one girl in my life. I don't know how the game works and I hate playing games. I've already tried to date and got shot down so I know I'm not good at it. Plus, the field has changed. Now, not only do I have to compete with other guys, but I also have to compete with girls for girls. What kind of shit is this.

So I'm working on another dream, something I should do with my life, because I've always believed that I would change the world somehow, even if it's my own personal world. People have been telling me for years that I'm funny and I should do stand up. I don't know if I have the confidence to do it anymore, to get up in front of a crowd. Hell, I can't even confront a girl and take her to the movies, buy her dinner, how the hell am I going to make people laugh.

Well, sorry for prolonging the answer to your question. As you can see, I've been feeling pretty sucky the last couple of days.