Sandy, round sunburned face with freckles and a killer smile, as I recall. Hi!
A lot of us had parents with notions of child rearing that haven’t proven to give the most desirable results… and some were really fucked up. The same goes for family, schools, employers, and the people in general, but like it or not they shape who we become. Since we can’t change the past, the best we can do is decide what we’re working with and what we want the future to be. Should we change ourselves, or our perception of ourselves, or work with what we feel we have?
You seem to be firmly convinced of who and what you are, and you’re the reason friends don’t come easy or last long. Is that because your idea of what a friendship should entail, how it should work, is out of step with other people? I’m guessing Trish was offended by Derek and feels you betrayed her by forgiving him. She wouldn’t feel betrayed by your husband because she didn’t consider him a friend.
At 53 you’ve been through the mill long enough to see a pattern you don’t like, but feel you-am-who-you-am-and-that’s-all-that-you-am.
Avoiding lame jokes about living upside down in Australia, the $64 question is can you figure out an acceptable future? Can you write a script of a life where you, with all your perceived pluses/minuses, can control your environment enough to avoid conflict and aggravation.
It’s a tall order and shit happens, but by trying to avoid situations you feel won’t turn out well, if shit happens you know you tried, so fuck it, their problem not yours. If you have a craving for a Doris Day/Donna Reed lifestyle, that’s going to be a problem unless you change yourself… a lot. But if you can be reasonably happy on the farm with your husband and minimum outside people, you’ve got a shot at it.
Hope your trip is as good as you've dreamed it would be, and let us know how you’re making out, because we’re family and we care, goddamn it, that's why!
