[infinite monkey]

Funny article in Reader's Digest concerning Whole Foods:

http://www.rd.com/funny-stuff/surviving-whole-foods/

Next I approach the beauty aisle. There is a scary-looking machine there that you put your face inside of, and it tells you exactly how ugly you are. It calculates your wrinkles, your sunspots, the size of your pores, etc., and compares the results with those of other women your age. I think of myself as attractive, but as it turns out, I am 78 percent ugly, meaning less pretty than 78 percent of women in the world. On the popular “one to ten” hotness scale used by males the world over, that makes me a three (if you round up, which I hope you will).

I grab a handful of peanut butter pretzels on my way out of this stupid aisle. I don’t feel bad about pilfering these bites, because of the umpteen times I’ve overpaid at the salad bar and been tricked into buying $108 beauty creams. The pretzels are very fattening, but I’m already in the 70th percentile of ugly, so who cares?