Care of Dizcat is also up for negotiation. I'm hoping to have him fostered.
But things are now changing on a daily basis. Mum told me this afternoon that they will be out of here in four weeks regardless of whether they have a buyer or not.
She thinks it makes financial sense because they will stop paying Council Tax.
But while the house is still being shown they will be paying gas and electricity and she always used to worry about leaving the place vacant for more than 48 hours.
They don't start paying rent on the flat until they move in, but I think having signed off on the dotted line she just wants to be in there, right now, all done, end of.
Which I do understand.
Maybe I got that from her
It puts my previous plans into freefall though.
Basically my only sensible option is to throw myself on the mercy of the Council immediately.
Which means staying in work.
And means being housed in a B&B or hostel at best. Which means losing Diz.
And which means no trip to America.
I thought I might have two-three months. But from what she's just said to me on the phone, she wants this place vacant for viewing. Once they start moving out, I need to move out too. Probably my own fault, I've never been as tidy as she wanted. She no doubt thinks if I stay my clutter will spread. And she might be right.
In better news, I went to their new place today and it is very nice. Much lighter and brighter than here, and in a much better location.
Just as big as here, and all on one floor. Less potential for falls for Dad but no let-up in cleaning for her.
And only one toilet. Which will lead to conflict.
I didn't say that to her, she needs to know I'm happy for her because I am.
Still, the bathroom has a HUGE walk-in shower, which will be great for both of them.
And I bet it has better water pressure than here. Or if not they can complain to the charity!
There's certainly enough room for a seat if it becomes necessary for Dad.
So it's a so/so report from me.
I'm terrified, they're happy.
And if I had to choose I'd rather have it that way round.
Thing is, I hate change. I just do.
And the 'rents have always been here. Literally and figuratively.
So I'm losing that support, but also losing a home.
Yes I know I'm way too old to think that way, but it's how I feel and why it's upsetting me.
I have made my own way in the world, but sometimes I've had to come back. Like MTP I feel I've failed at life. I guess this is make or break. I've cried down the phone to a few wonderful people, and they have really reached out to help. But with hating work 2/5 of the week, losing sanctuary and facing being without Diz, it's all a bit much even so. If money was no object I think I'd still be fucked up. I'm wired a bit wrong. I'd make it to America though, then you could see the fuck-uppedness firsthand.
Urgh.
Is there a Fucked Up Self Pity Thread?