[lumberjim]

...just kidding

We spent some days gathering firewood, refilling the water jugs, and getting food, and some days just crafting or throwing the Frisbee or playing hackeysack. On one of those days that I had gone hard at it all day long, I recall being physically spent, and as I rested my rubbery muscles on a blanket near the river, there was a moment when I noticed my contentment. It was in twilight that it came to me, cool in the shade of the canyon walls. I can sometimes catch a whiff of that feeling as I picture the moment, but the memory of a feeling is a fleeting thing. I felt at that time like I could sustain myself and Shelby there indefinitely, and that I would be quite happy doing so. And at that particular moment especially, as we had enough food for 3 or 4 days, full water jugs, a large pile of firewood, and excellent weather. I owed no one anything, there was nothing to spend money on even if we had some, and I was alive. It occurred to me at that time that I was an animal, and I had satisfied my basic animal needs. And more importantly, it seemed that this was all that anyone had the right to expect of me. I was free from any social pressure to do the grown up things that young adults must learn to do. I was happy. Not a thing to complain about. It is a moment that I have filed away in a different part of my brain with a couple of other moments when I saw myself from above, and the big picture was visible to me. I was able to put myself into perspective, and I was pleased with who I was, where I was, and what I was doing.

All good things must come to an end, as they say, and although we were making no plans to leave, we had promised Heather that we would call her mother and let her know that she had gone to Guatemala. Heather’s mom was crazy. No really. She was the first person I ever heard refer to her medication as her “meds.” She was a hippie, though, and I don’t recall being concerned that Sue would react poorly to her daughter leaving the country with Jeremiah and a bus full of hippies. We also let her know that we had Heather’s car and would be bringing it back to her when we got around to coming home. This, for some reason, set her off like a powder keg. She demanded that we return her car immediately as it was in her name, and we were not insured to drive it. She went way too far way too soon with the shit she was saying, too. We blew her off a little bit and told her we would be staying there a little while longer, but would be coming home when it got cold out. We’d call her later.

So then, there was an end in sight. And it just felt like we were waiting to leave. It kind of blew the whole, “I’m not late because I’m not going anywhere” motto I had begun to think to myself. The next time we called Sue, she said she had called the police and given them orders to shoot to kill. I told you she was crazy, didn’t I? Still. It was her car, and if we got nicked for doing something else, and this car came back stolen(just in case she actually HAD called the police), I didn’t think I would be able to talk our way past it. So we decided to make our way home by chevette. Troll and Jen didn’t want to stay alone, either, so they were going to go live in Chicago and find jobs. I hope they got good ones. I had a half tank of gas, and $50 in my wallet. I was in a Canyon in New Mexico, and we were on our way to Downingtown, Pennsylvania to return Sue’s car. I gave away all of my paraphernalia because, if we did get stopped, and the car WAS reported stolen, I didn’t want to have anything on me that could be found in a search. I only recently replaced one particular item that I was very fond of. Anyway, obviously, I made it home, or I wouldn’t be here writing this, but next time, I’ll tell you how to get home from 2500 miles out on $50 and a half tank of gas in America.