[regular.joe]

You know, after a lot of thought, I want my wife. She's great. She's given me a lot of what I want, but it took a while. I want to do dangerous manly things like jump out of planes and visit other countries on behalf of my government. I want to drive across country with no apparent plan or destination. I want to make out in the convenience store and have hot sex. I've wanted to become a good husband, father, and Soldier. She's helped with the first two and given me the space for the third. She loves me and will take my good with my bad, what I've gained through 20 years of marriage is mostly intangible and totally worth the ups and downs. Learning to accept her for who she is, and her doing the same has been hard and worth it. Keeping my promises I made at the wedding ceremony has been equally as hard especially with that sickness and health thing...she's suffered much more than I with mental illness and addiction. Sex when we have sex is pretty great, ups and downs there over the long haul as well. What, you expect different? I know I did. Having said all that, if she died, I don't think I would marry again...don't think I have it in me. What I want from a woman would prolly change at that point. I think it would be hard to expect some of the things in a marriage, the level of acceptance and support, closeness, physical and emotional, and space too...from a part time companion. It's way too easy to say fuck you I'm out of here when things are out of sorts.

OK, kind of went off on a tangent there, give me a break though cause I'm deployed and in way too much of an introspective mood.