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infinite monkey · 04-18-2013, 09:02 AM

I feel small, insignificant, unimportant, stranded, strangled, downtrodden.

There's no sense in getting into 'why' anymore. I'll just say we had a staff meeting which was a lot of self-love in terms of making sure the wigs and everyone else sees what a goddamn indispensible force of nature they are, and the subsequent kudos from the wigs about how wonderful everyone, EVERYONE, on this 'team' is. With an exception. Obvious.

I just needed to say it. I wish I could make someone see it. I wish someone knew how it feels...to have been a vital, hardworking, involved, concerned, respected even admired entity...to now be whatever the opposite of important is, to be a liability, to be ignored and disdained, to look around at the mutual admiration society and be so far removed from any sense of understanding or appreciation.

What was I thinking in my younger days? That my work ethic would surpass any need to game-play, to toot my own horn, to be someone other than what and who I am? How naive have I been?

I still have one more meeting, on Tuesday. That will determine the next steps.

But right now I feel old, stupid, ugly, detrimental, unlikeable. The only thing I don't feel like is a big giant phony.

Thanks for listening. Really, it's what I need. To be able to talk about it without judgment, without narrowed eyes, without thinly disguised disgust. Because I feel disgusting. Maybe I am.

04-18-2013, 09:02 AM	#9241
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I feel small, insignificant, unimportant, stranded, strangled, downtrodden. There's no sense in getting into 'why' anymore. I'll just say we had a staff meeting which was a lot of self-love in terms of making sure the wigs and everyone else sees what a goddamn indispensible force of nature they are, and the subsequent kudos from the wigs about how wonderful everyone, EVERYONE, on this 'team' is. With an exception. Obvious. I just needed to say it. I wish I could make someone see it. I wish someone knew how it feels...to have been a vital, hardworking, involved, concerned, respected even admired entity...to now be whatever the opposite of important is, to be a liability, to be ignored and disdained, to look around at the mutual admiration society and be so far removed from any sense of understanding or appreciation. What was I thinking in my younger days? That my work ethic would surpass any need to game-play, to toot my own horn, to be someone other than what and who I am? How naive have I been? I still have one more meeting, on Tuesday. That will determine the next steps. But right now I feel old, stupid, ugly, detrimental, unlikeable. The only thing I don't feel like is a big giant phony. Thanks for listening. Really, it's what I need. To be able to talk about it without judgment, without narrowed eyes, without thinly disguised disgust. Because I feel disgusting. Maybe I am.