[Trilby]

again, thank you all for your heartfelt, thoughtful comments.

Dana-you nailed it. I live in my head, too, (REALLY?!?!?! you are all asking yourselves about now) and Mr. Scout is a high energy level being who LOVES to chase my very favorite cat Spiderman which annoys me and frightens the cat. I don't want her hiding in the basement all day worried she'll be eaten. He just wants to play but he outweights her X 100. she acts like, "why did you do this? we were happy! Just US!" but I was heartbroken----still sorta am. I want a GOOD DOG not like the haphazard way we had them when I was growing up and dogs were, due to my dad, dogs and not pets but had to be useful and pull their weight (I'm surprised he let us have one at all but my sister, whom he likes, LOVES animals and he probably expected to have the dog bring game to the family table as if we needed it) and live mainly outside tied to a post in the yard. He asked me the other day while he was fixing the part of the fence that was broken "What's wrong with tying him to a tree? Is that a stupid idea?" and not in a nice way, either; in a You Think You're So Smart but I Have All The Money/Power way. He had dogs growing up and he says, proudly, 'we NEVER bought dog food!" so I guess they were strays who stuck around hoping for a chicken bone or something.

This experience has taught me a very important lesson: my abandonment issues are still with me full force; my father hates me really a lot more than I thought (which was a lot) I am rash and impulsive to the detriment of my own self though I've been working on it for it seems forever; I am impatient; and above all, I am tired.

thank you for allowing me to wallow in such self indulgent crapola and to let everything be about ME ME ME. The only person who has ever suffered on the face of the planet.

chuh.