[Trilby]

anon- I was in very much the exact same position at work as an RN (and, as an Xray tech, too) I took drugs to cope (plus, you know, the 'i'm an addict thing') but working in health care is what REALLY took me down. The utter incompetence, the sheer uncaring attitudes, the fights between depts (hey, I thought we were all in this together to help the patient but apparently not) the pettiness, the backstabbing, the lying and the other liar swears to it, I went from one job to another trying to find my niche and never, ever finding it. People either hated me or loved me; it was never a neutral thing. administers hated me mostly b/c I brought up topics everyone was concerned about and talked about (10 patients to one nurse) I'd say that was unsafe in a 'formal' meeting and guess how many of my cow orkers supported me? right. none. They'd all look at their hands and murmur "Oh, we can manage..." then something horrid would happen and they'd spend 30,000 dollars on a 'consultant' to help them figure out WE WERE UNDERSTAFFED. It was brilliant.

I worked for one of the most unethical women on the planet and SHE hated me because I got work done. I work smart, not hard. I made her look bad. I was on top of this shit. I hated her with a pure white-hot hatred and the feeling was mutual. She was a high school grad who'd worked her way up (after fifty years) to boss of Accident and Emergency and she'd tell RN's how to do their jobs. One time I was at a deposition for an employee and the lawyer asked what gave her the right to voice a medical opinion and she said, "Forty years of experience". She was pure evil. If an employee dropped a wrench she'd drug test them. It was her or my sanity (she did all kinds of illegeal things)and one day I asked for a sign, felt like I got it and quit.

Woooooboy. Then the fun started. yeah, I had problems of my own----but I never drank on the job or before the job ---- just on the way home. I hated everything I did. It was killing me. Traditional health care was NOT my path and it took me two degrees, loads of humiliation and more for me to realize I was not where I was meant to be.

My family had a fucking cow. My father had paid for all my schooling (because he picked what I was going to do----I wanted liberal arts but he wouldn't pay for that "crap") he wanted me to have a job, goddamnit! Preferably one that made me misreble and suicical and insane. My jobs directly affected both my marriages negatively; I started to hate EVERYONE and became paranoid that nobody wanted anything but to manipulate me. "Hey, can you hand me that pen?" and I'd think "What's her true agenda?" I was nuts. the job MADE me nuts. i didn't even know I was nuts until I worked for the State of Ohio in psyche and saw all these horrible, unhappy, grey-faced, burned-out THUGS antagonizing the patients for their amusement and I said something about that. We had 'mental health techs' who were ex go-go dancers. Oh, yes, we did. Most of our staff was on more meds than our patients. I told them they were going straight to hell and you know what? That place closed a year or so later. It was SOOOOO Abusive.

Then someone I trusted said, "you know, working 7p to 7a is inhumane," and I thought, yeah, it IS inhumane. I fucking quit. My dad hated me anyway so what was that to me? and look! I'm still here! I am NOT homeless, i have food (hot dogs, not steak, but hey) I struggle every month to pay the bills but that's my own fault.

Im not telling you to do anything. I'm just telling you I jumped and landed ok. I don't know if the same will happen to you. but it's possible.