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infinite monkey · 12-14-2012, 07:25 AM

I go between thinking I am blessed with friends, and thinking that people don't like me and why would they...I've been told that if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. But my few IRL friends really know me, and seem to like me.

I have a good friend who I used to work with. We meet up every now and then and talk shop, talk life, talk men, talk jokes...everything. I've admired her since I met her (when we interviewed her lo those many years ago.) She's beautiful beyond belief, but is absolutely oblivious to that fact. She is in a committed relationship and they love each other very much. She and he don't really argue, they're both so even keel. She had a very rough childhood and yet she and her sisters have all done really well with their lives. They take care of their younger brother who is a bit on the slow side, but a really sweet guy. They are, for all intents and purposes, the parents to their parents. She is much younger than I am, but it's not like I'm playing the Wise Old Sage (though, surprisingly enough, she does ask me for advice on some issues. Me? Advice?)

I know that if you have a handful of really close friends you are lucky. I'm not easy to be friends with at times, when I'm isolating because I don't believe I have a damn thing to offer the event to which I am invited.

Tril, you're right about the holidays. I seem to be getting worse. I have my family, but I feel more and more like the black sheep. I know that this will pass. It always does. But as I get older I worry that I'm going to be some sort of recluse. In fact, sometimes I want that. My brother says 'no, you need people' and I wonder if I do.

I have not yet learned in any significant way that many people, as a general rule, will stab you in the back, lie to you, use you, and hurt you. I have not yet been able to recognize that from the get-go.

Anyway, just some semi-depressed ramblings.

Just, lonely peoples, we never know what can happen. We never know who can come into our lives...be it friends or something more. So we can only keep offering ourselves up on the sacrificial altar and know we'll probably fall off, but hoping that we might just have found the right mix.

12-14-2012, 07:25 AM	#23
infinite monkey Person who doesn't update the user title Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 13,002	I go between thinking I am blessed with friends, and thinking that people don't like me and why would they...I've been told that if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. But my few IRL friends really know me, and seem to like me. I have a good friend who I used to work with. We meet up every now and then and talk shop, talk life, talk men, talk jokes...everything. I've admired her since I met her (when we interviewed her lo those many years ago.) She's beautiful beyond belief, but is absolutely oblivious to that fact. She is in a committed relationship and they love each other very much. She and he don't really argue, they're both so even keel. She had a very rough childhood and yet she and her sisters have all done really well with their lives. They take care of their younger brother who is a bit on the slow side, but a really sweet guy. They are, for all intents and purposes, the parents to their parents. She is much younger than I am, but it's not like I'm playing the Wise Old Sage (though, surprisingly enough, she does ask me for advice on some issues. Me? Advice?) I know that if you have a handful of really close friends you are lucky. I'm not easy to be friends with at times, when I'm isolating because I don't believe I have a damn thing to offer the event to which I am invited. Tril, you're right about the holidays. I seem to be getting worse. I have my family, but I feel more and more like the black sheep. I know that this will pass. It always does. But as I get older I worry that I'm going to be some sort of recluse. In fact, sometimes I want that. My brother says 'no, you need people' and I wonder if I do. I have not yet learned in any significant way that many people, as a general rule, will stab you in the back, lie to you, use you, and hurt you. I have not yet been able to recognize that from the get-go. Anyway, just some semi-depressed ramblings. Just, lonely peoples, we never know what can happen. We never know who can come into our lives...be it friends or something more. So we can only keep offering ourselves up on the sacrificial altar and know we'll probably fall off, but hoping that we might just have found the right mix.