[Sundae]

Sorry to piggyback on your story, Anon. And I honestly hope you can give Lola some help.
Sadly I wasn't much help to CzinZumerzet.

She called me from Weston-Super-Mare one sunny morning. You may have heard of it - John Cleese couldn't wait to get out of it, Jeffrey Archer lied about it (probably) and even the eternal optimist Bill Bryson shunned it (albeit on a rainy Tuesday afternoon).

Now I know America has far vaster vistas than the good old U to the K, but frankly I am made lazy by them and refused to travel 120 miles for an unknown problem. In fact when I found out what the problem was, I also declined to travel, having no car, no money for the train and also being half-lit - it being 10.30 already.

Richard Parker was in her new bath in her new en-suite bathroom. A bathroom that had not existed before CZ had come staggering home that morning in someone else's underwear. All I could advise was that she fed him some chum in the hopes it would attract a shark to finish him off.

Apparently she did follow my off the cuff advice. Sadly the weight of the water, Parker and the shark together overloaded the fragile structure which had not been build on sound weight-bearing principles and the en-suite collapsed onto the kitchen of the B&B next door, deluging them with chum, severed limbs and a thrashing member of the Lamnidae family. They sued.

So yeah - haven't heard from CZ since.

Warning, people: in Richard Parker attacks, the cure can be deadlier than the disease. Also never take any advice from me - however well meant - once the sun is over the yard arm. Oh, I mean the horizon. Somewhere in the world.