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Other people in the world are simply accessories who show off my perfect wonderfulness by being as stupid and worthless as they are. Only my needs and wants count and my needs and wants are countless. I have never lowered myself to shop in any sort of store with the hoi polloi - the staff of Tiffany's brings over the entire store for me to browse through while I have breakfast in my 1,000,000 sqare mile morning mansion which is paved with tiles and art removed from the Sistine Chapel. My diet consists mostly of nearly extinct birds and other critters freshly harvested from the Amazon Rain Forest and flown to my kitchens on the space shuttle.
I haven't written a book about my life because - well - everyone should just know how extadorniary I am because its obvious to even the lowest cretin out there blaming the government because he dropped a 40 foot fig tree he was trying to plant in my world class botanic garden. The tree landed on his toe and the ER had to give him an aspirin - these people are always on the take - you know?
IM would be my best friend if anybody actually deserved to be my friend, but since no one does, she isn't. However, we get together on alternate Thursdays and take turns with Ricardo the Cabana Boy who also provides us with pharmaceutical quality cocaine.
I don't why all you peons whine so much. Look what I've had to overcome with the fig tree and those Tiffany people, but do I complain? No, I overcome. I even sent a can of generic sliced beets to those idiots in New Jersey who didn't even know enough to get out of that rain shower.
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