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Brigliadore · 03-03-2004, 01:03 PM

Ok I am going to inject my opinion into this thread. Stacy I am going to tell you a story about one of my past boyfriends. Before I met Alan (hp) I was involved in a 2 1/2 year relationship. This man and I had been friends all through high school but didn't start dating till several years after high school. He moved in about a month after we started dating. Fast yes, but I think you can understand this given how fast you and your husband moved in together. I loved him and I know he loved me but about 6 months into the relationship it started to go south. It was a bunch of little things but the heart of the problem was that this man was selfish. He put himself above all else, and when you are in a committed relationship you cant always do that. If he wanted to go out till all hours of the night, he did, with no regard to how I felt about it. He went to go see an ex-girlfriend while we were together (after he had told me at the start of the relationship that he would leave me in a heart beat if she would take him back). At that point our relationship was good enough that I knew he would never cheat on me, but I still didn't like him going there. Knowing this he still went, because he wanted to and that is what he based all his choices on. After a time I began to see that he was the way he was and wasn't going to change, and I wasn't going to try and make him change. It wasn't that he didn't love me but the way he loved me didn't suite the way i wanted him to love me.

I know how hard it can be to leave someone, I stayed in that 2 1/2 year relationship for about a year longer then I should have. And I was miserable that entire year.

I believe given all I have read posted by you and posted by Arsen (sometimes via you), that you love each other. Sometimes that is not enough. What you need to decide is, Is the type of love he can give, the type of love I want and need. People are the way they are, and while therapy is a good idea, there are still fundamental parts that cannot be changed. Therapy may change how he act for the time being but there is a high probability that he will revert to his old ways. I don't think he is a bad person, he is just who he is. But who he is may not be the type of person who will make you happy.

Again the thing you need to ask yourself and keep asking yourself till the answer is satisfactory to you is:
Is the type of love he can give, the type of love I want and need.

When you have the answer to that then you will know what to do with the relationship.

EDIT: Fixed my messed up grammar

03-03-2004, 01:03 PM	#153
Brigliadore stays crispy in milk Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: A strange planet called Utah Posts: 270	Ok I am going to inject my opinion into this thread. Stacy I am going to tell you a story about one of my past boyfriends. Before I met Alan (hp) I was involved in a 2 1/2 year relationship. This man and I had been friends all through high school but didn't start dating till several years after high school. He moved in about a month after we started dating. Fast yes, but I think you can understand this given how fast you and your husband moved in together. I loved him and I know he loved me but about 6 months into the relationship it started to go south. It was a bunch of little things but the heart of the problem was that this man was selfish. He put himself above all else, and when you are in a committed relationship you cant always do that. If he wanted to go out till all hours of the night, he did, with no regard to how I felt about it. He went to go see an ex-girlfriend while we were together (after he had told me at the start of the relationship that he would leave me in a heart beat if she would take him back). At that point our relationship was good enough that I knew he would never cheat on me, but I still didn't like him going there. Knowing this he still went, because he wanted to and that is what he based all his choices on. After a time I began to see that he was the way he was and wasn't going to change, and I wasn't going to try and make him change. It wasn't that he didn't love me but the way he loved me didn't suite the way i wanted him to love me. I know how hard it can be to leave someone, I stayed in that 2 1/2 year relationship for about a year longer then I should have. And I was miserable that entire year. I believe given all I have read posted by you and posted by Arsen (sometimes via you), that you love each other. Sometimes that is not enough. What you need to decide is, Is the type of love he can give, the type of love I want and need. People are the way they are, and while therapy is a good idea, there are still fundamental parts that cannot be changed. Therapy may change how he act for the time being but there is a high probability that he will revert to his old ways. I don't think he is a bad person, he is just who he is. But who he is may not be the type of person who will make you happy. Again the thing you need to ask yourself and keep asking yourself till the answer is satisfactory to you is: Is the type of love he can give, the type of love I want and need. When you have the answer to that then you will know what to do with the relationship. EDIT: Fixed my messed up grammar __________________ I cant think of anything to put here so this is all I am going to write. Last edited by Brigliadore; 03-03-2004 at 03:12 PM.