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staceyv · 03-02-2004, 06:46 PM

If he lies about going to his friends' house, what stops him from lying about anything else? It's all fair game, now. I think this might be a major factor in why Stacey is so wound up, am I right, Stace?

yes, case you are right. this was supposed to be a time for rebuilding trust and trying to restore the relationship and then this happens...RIGHT after he swore that he would be honest and open with me.

i'll give you his side and excuses just to make sure this story isn't all MY point of view...
he said he had to go there and talk to one guy about his mother. it wasn't to party. fine, but i did say that i would go with him after work OR he couldv'e explained that to me instead of lying about where he was going...he said he didn't think i'd understand. he said the agreement was unfair (but instead of telling me that, he just lied and broke it. that's not honesty and openess) he says he should be able to go see his friends if he wants. he is right. the agreement was unfair. why not talk to me about it instead of lying to me? it seems like he is AFRAID to be honest with me. he is afraid to upset me and is afraid that i won't understand. he is afraid to voice his opinions if they differ from mine, so he goes along with whatver i say, but then does whatver he wants. i tried to tell him when we made the agreement that i wanted BRUTAL honesty. i promised to not punish him for that honesty. if i didn't like what i heard i wouldn't hold it against him, because i would be grateful that he was being honest. but he just didn't get it. he's a people pleaser. he wants to say the "right" things to make me happy. he doesn't know how to stand up for himself, it seems. i think he lied to protect himself, not to be sneaky and deceitful, but to avoid conflict- BUT by doing that, he made it so much worse!
either way, my trust is gone, and i wonder if it would ever click in his brain that it is better to be honest about something that i don't like, rather than to lie to avoid an argument...i don't want him to be afraid of me! it's not like i hit him or scream and yell. i'm not abusive. i don't get it. i believe he loves me and he has so many good qualities. he just doesn't GET it.

03-02-2004, 06:46 PM	#139
staceyv Lecturer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Ohio Posts: 927	If he lies about going to his friends' house, what stops him from lying about anything else? It's all fair game, now. I think this might be a major factor in why Stacey is so wound up, am I right, Stace? yes, case you are right. this was supposed to be a time for rebuilding trust and trying to restore the relationship and then this happens...RIGHT after he swore that he would be honest and open with me. i'll give you his side and excuses just to make sure this story isn't all MY point of view... he said he had to go there and talk to one guy about his mother. it wasn't to party. fine, but i did say that i would go with him after work OR he couldv'e explained that to me instead of lying about where he was going...he said he didn't think i'd understand. he said the agreement was unfair (but instead of telling me that, he just lied and broke it. that's not honesty and openess) he says he should be able to go see his friends if he wants. he is right. the agreement was unfair. why not talk to me about it instead of lying to me? it seems like he is AFRAID to be honest with me. he is afraid to upset me and is afraid that i won't understand. he is afraid to voice his opinions if they differ from mine, so he goes along with whatver i say, but then does whatver he wants. i tried to tell him when we made the agreement that i wanted BRUTAL honesty. i promised to not punish him for that honesty. if i didn't like what i heard i wouldn't hold it against him, because i would be grateful that he was being honest. but he just didn't get it. he's a people pleaser. he wants to say the "right" things to make me happy. he doesn't know how to stand up for himself, it seems. i think he lied to protect himself, not to be sneaky and deceitful, but to avoid conflict- BUT by doing that, he made it so much worse! either way, my trust is gone, and i wonder if it would ever click in his brain that it is better to be honest about something that i don't like, rather than to lie to avoid an argument...i don't want him to be afraid of me! it's not like i hit him or scream and yell. i'm not abusive. i don't get it. i believe he loves me and he has so many good qualities. he just doesn't GET it.