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Four this year alone, one suicide, one drunk driving fatality, two alcohol poisoning. The were meeting makers, sponsor callers and book readers. They all said, and hung with the crowd that said they could do this with out some kind of God, that they could just play the tape through and gut it out a day at a time. They spent a lot of time "working on themselves".
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Four people died. And you didn't say "I could have helped find something more meaningful for them." You said "They fucked up by not finding the meaning that I did. I did my part... I told them they were not going to succeed without MY meaning."
And they failed, and now they are dead... and you take their deaths as proud proof you were right.
For your sake, I hope your God judges this situation differently than I have done.