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"what exactly is the cost to you?"
If Ibram pretends to be a woman, there is no cost to me.
If I -- knowing Ibram is male -- pretend he's a 'she' then I lie (to myself) and in the lie, I diminish myself, to myself.
That Ibram lies to himself is irrelevant to me: that I lie to myself to make Ibram feel good is a high price I won't pay.
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like the other guy sez: 'not really back, blah-blah-blah...'
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