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Ok, this one time I arrived in New York for a sales conference. En route to the Marriott Long Island we asked our driver to make a detour so we could get some beers. He obliged a little too eagerly and cut off an 'A-Team' style van. The van driver pulled alongside pointed a pistol at our guy, swore and took off leaving us all (6) stunned but kinda scared/excited.
We found a bottleshop, piled in for supplies and exited the store to be confronted with the sight of a homeless guy on fire. Naturally he was upset so we knocked him over, rolled him about , gave him a beer then hightailed it out of the neighbourhood.
Next day is a freebie so we hit the tourist traps. First was the world trade towers observation deck. I've never forgotten how the lifts registered 10 floors at a time.
No visit is complete without visiting the Empire State Building.
The queues are long going up and down so being a clever clever bastard I decide to one up my friends and run down the stairs.
Being as i'm from a place where tall is 15 stories I have no comparitive concept of how many steps this involves. So many. many steps.
45 minutes later I arrive at the bottom to find i've been abandoned. There's a bar at the entrance of the building and I NEED to sit down. I tell the bartender i'm an 'Ossie' with an interest in trying some of the local concoctions.
I woke up on a train in Jamaica and, for anybody that's been there, I felt a little conspicuous. I found a cab, jumped in and witnessed my first and last genuine double-take in the rear view mirror.
After three uneventful days of conferencing and we vacated the Marriott and moved to the Madison Hotel on the corner of Madison and 42nd to get a 'handle on the vibe of such a huge city.
And here it was all on the one block, beer in every deli, genuine leopard skin tights clad NY ho's, pimps, drug vendors, genuine Rolex's for twenny fi' dollar, actual steam coming out of sidewalk vents just like in the movies and a busy-ness that never slowed.
I'm pleasantly drunk leaning on a US Post box soaking up the atmosphere. An old guy comes up and offer sexual favours for beer ( I politely decline ) followed soon after by the screeching of car tyres. A huge convertible pulls over , four guys in stetsons leap out and attack a guy in pimp uniform with baseball bats.
Nothing is said and it's all over in seconds. The guys leap back in the car and burn rubber. No-one even blinks, people are physically stepping over the guy to carry on their way. He's not moving.The cops arrive surprisingly fast and immediately call an ambulance. One of them notices me and wanders over.
He asks me what happenned but all I remember clearly is the stetsons. He nod and grunts something about a gang calling themselves "Rednecks". They do it for fun, it's indiscriminate except for the victims being black.
The sun comes up so I head back for a couple of hours sleep before our last day in town. We hold a referendum and it's overwhelmingly decided to go see the Statue of Liberty.
The ferry line is inundated by street performers of a far higher standard than most of us have previously paid to see.
The skyline is awsome from the ferry but the river looks like shit.
We arrive at the base, pay the fee and enter the lobby. I say "where are the lifts?". There are no lifts. A few days ago I descended approximately 2200 steps. Fuggeddaboudid. I go outside and sleep on the grass while my friends make the climb.
Close enough to count I figure.
I arrive back in Australia the next day exhausted with a feeling of surreality about the whole trip. Nearly all my luggage arrived with me. The missing case turned up 3 days later. And yes, I have to agree, Austria does resemble Australia when your tired and overworked.
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