[OnyxCougar]

Originally posted by staceyv
onyx, you make it seem so black and white. this morning i am having doubts. it didn't look like he was ever really emotional about the whole thing. i don't trust him. leaving will be hard if i go, very very hard. i would have to go live with my mother, no health insurance, $8,000.00 in credit card debt, plus raised car insurance from when he hit someone's car. the embarassment of everyone finding out that i am a complete fool and was taken for a ride, the fact that i don't know if i'd ever be able to trust someone else again or have a normal relationship, the fact that i would miss him and think "what if he was sincere.." after he's gone, and the fact that i have no social life or friends to surround myself with to help me get over him. maybe i'm trying to delude myself into staying so my life will be easier. if i was in his shoes, (well, first of all, i wouldn't have written those letters!) but if i screwed up and i really cared, i would feel bad. i would probably cry and plead for forgiveness. but then i think "well, everyone has a different way of dealing with things"...still, he seems to not display too much emotion. this all seems like an inconvenience to him. like "fine, okay. you wanna ask me questions, go for it...we're just going in circles here, i'm so tired" or he's acting like nothing happened, acting exactly the same as he did before all of this."hi honey..here's your coffee, come here, give me a kiss, look at me- my dick is hard" or he's being impatient: he tried to kiss me before he got out of the car when i took him to work. i said "could you try that some other time?" because i am just not ready to be affectionate with him. he was like "fine!" and just got out of the car and walked away. i know he's happy with his life with me, but is it just because it's convenient? i mean, a nice apartment, home-cooked meals, live-in sex, greencard, someone to organize the household budget and style his hair...who wouldn't try to hold on to this set up? maybe it is even convenient for him until death do us part? i don't know...he could be thinking that he'll be a total citizen by age 28....that it's worth it to keep me happy. maybe he'd never leave because it's a good set-up. but if it's not based on love or good intentions, i don't want it! you know what kils me? everybody loves him. people that i trust as good judgers or character just love him. my 45 yr old female boss who seems to see through everyone loves him. my family, everyone. then again, i always told him he would be a good salesperson. uhh! i'm going in circles.

**sigh** Stacey, no one ever said it was going to be easy. It's never easy to realize your dreams are fading away in front of you.

To me, an outsider looking in on your viewpoint (which is the only one we've been exposed to and the only once that matters to you), it's black and white. Honey, ask anyone here, and they will tell you that any happy, healthy relationship is BASED on love and TRUST. You simply do not have that. How can you build a house on sand and expect it not to sink? Trust is a go/nogo issue. You do or you don't. Once you lose it, it is very very difficult to get it back.

Nothing ever seems black and white when your in the middle of it, and I know how hard it is to leave someone. I know what it feels like to be truly cheated on. I know what it feels like to have made a mistake that it's too late to repair. What it feels like to be used. To have a mountain of bills and no place to go. And no, it's not easy.

Let's assume your fears are valid. You are in a relationship with a man you don't trust. You have two options: (1) stay where you know you are being used. or (2) leave the bum, and actually have him deported so he can't use another woman this way.

Then who's the fool? Everyone gets used. Not everyone does something about it.