Quote:
Originally Posted by traceur
there is a lot i could have done differently ...
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No, I don't think so. You did the best you could with the knowledge and circumstances you had at the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by traceur
... out of all the crap, there was one positive thought in my head on the flight back home, a sigh, a big boulder falling from my shoulders letting in air to areas that haven't breathed in a long time, "she's not here to judge me anymore" - to constantly test & reevaluate me".
and there was no solution, nothing i could have done to make that stop, because in a world where everything's a symbol, there is no sense of proportions - the biggest gesture is no more meaningful then the smallest, every bottle of soda bought, everything i've ever done for myself, no matter how small compared to what i do for them, was still failing a test of how much i am willing to sacrifice for her and my stepson. there would never be something so meaningful i could do to put all the others to rest, there would never be a test i can finally pass so that there would be no more tests.
....
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This sounds like living hell. A good relationship is based on shared goals, mutual respect and clear communication. Where's the partnership in being constantly tested and re-evaluated? Sounds to me like you're well out of it.