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Misfortune Cookies
They ought to exist.
it is too late for happiness
Your unlucky numbers are any numbers ending in 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, all multiple of 2
Someone close to you will die before you have a chance to ask them
You have heart of fruitfly
Winning lottery number is W
Good Futures are all behind you
Happy endings out of stock
I know you can do better
(^see, that's probably my best one)
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
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