I was about to post that in the Mildly Amusing thread.
First of all this guy appears to have really screwed up the navigation in some of the best charted waters in the world in a ship with all the modern wizz-bang gizmos.
Then - maybe this is a second-language issue - he mentioned "a rock collided with our ship". ORLY? How fast was the rock going?
Then he went from "we were the last to leave" to "I WAS co-ordinating - from the lifeboat".
Yesterday, the ship had lurched violently and tipped them into the sea.
Now he "tripped and fell ... right into a lifeboat"
You, captain, are NO CAPTAIN.