welcome, sandra.
You have a unique perspective on this subject, and i appreciate your honesty in your self assessmant concerning the way you raised your older son, and what you'd have done differently. I think there is a general consensus that it's more the point of the spanking than the actual pain. Inflicting pain on your child out of spite or revenge for bad deeds IS abuse, but when used sparingly to illustrate where the line is, I feel that it is essential.
Granted that it only works, as Whit, Zippy, and I have stated, if done ultra-consistantly. you can't let them by because t is inconvenient to immediately punish them... So, while you excepted doing this in public, I'm not so sure about that. If the kids realizes that he/she can play you when there are other adults around, than, he may play you when there are other adults around. Maybe you need to remove the child from the public and administer the whoopin.
ps....there is already a thread that this topic is being discussed in called "discipline" you should post replies there instead of a new thread
jim