[Trilby]

Four score and twenty years ago today our ancestors hopped in their boat that looked like Sea Serpents and voyaged over the main swan road to slay Beowulf, or, as he was more commonly known back then, Tim.

Having slain this Tim in a most heroic and swash-buckling manner, our ancestors pulled themselves up by their communal bootstrap, outlawed the communal bootstrap as "too socialist," strapped on their muskrat and hunkered on down to Alice's Restaurant where you could order anything off the regular menu so long as it was Thanksgiving dinner.

And lo, the hoi polloi showed up, as they are wont, and a Great Battle of Turkey Legges ensued until no one could tell the Legges from the Leggeless and Arwin threw in her hat and was elected Chief Elf and bottle-washer but she soon absconded with the Head Troll and no one has seen them since. There was a rumor that their landlord died and they were subsequently thrown out in the streets but we think those pictures were 'shopped.

And it was goode.

There was some witch-burning thrown in for good luck and a dance that was held in a barn (where some say much partaking of "hooch" was accomplished) and then they had another Thanksgiving Dinner that couldn't be beat.

Some poor sods were drafted into the Army and others grew manes of long, luxurious hair. This had to be stopped.

Once the nation was good and divided along uncompromising lines the Australians seized their moment and threw the whole thing into a dither by making promises their ego couldn't cash and Air Force One was born.

Then they played volleyball.
Shirtless.
Glistening in the hot, hot Aussie sun.

So. Anyway.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!