[Lamplighter]

The community of Turkey received this letter:

by Carmel Lobello
Nov 17, 2011

I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)
and our more than 3 million members and supporters, including thousands in Texas,
with an idea that will boost Turkey into the spotlight and promote compassion:

Rename your town “Tofurky” for Thanksgiving.

If you agree to adopt this moniker for just one day,
we’d be happy to provide a delicious, healthy vegan holiday feast
for all the town’s residents

PETA’s feast would feature Tofurky with mushroom gravy,
mashed potatoes (made with vegan margarine), and vegan apple pie
topped with vanilla dairy-free ice cream.

Introducing vegan cuisine to your residents would help improve their health:
A vegan diet is free of the saturated animal fats and cholesterol found in meat and dairy products,
and according to the American Dietetic Association, a vegan diet reduces the risk
of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, and obesity.

To which the Carmel replied:

While the thought is sweet, offering to pay the town back
with a Tofurky buffet large enough to feed 494 people is a little like saying,
“If you do my math homework, I’ll pee on the floor in your bedroom, cool?
—more of a punishment than thank you present.

P.S. This Turkey is in Texas, but PETA has world-wide aspirations.